For my birthday wish at the start of the year, I wasn't too specific. I just wanted my life to return to normal, work-wise. Working at night made me realize it just wasn't for me. I am and will always be a morning person--I enjoyed waking up early and going to work with the sun smiling down on me, newly risen as well. Eternal summer would always be better than Floodcity and all the stress it brings.
Before my birthday arrived I got my wish. It was a great start and I was optimistic. I was going to be lucky this year, not only because of my Chinese sign but also because I am a Cap. All the signs pointed to a good year. Feng shui instructed me to use the bird symbol in my daily life this year and I wrapped my phone with washi tape adorned by birds for extra luck. I made a necklace from an acrylic brooch and found feathers and wore it as often as I could. Wouldn't hurt, and I've always liked birds.
It was still early January when I would be showered with gifts in various forms, by friends and new friends, and by the Universe mostly. I felt that the year was off to a fantastic start. This made me revisit my bucket list and add more items to it, since the year seemed ripe with possibility.
There's that trip to idyllic Bali, an approved multiple-entry US visa, and future plans to travel to a dream location within the year. I am listing these blessings down to help me to always remember. This year is like sweet, intoxicating wine, and I'd like to be able to look back on it and tell myself, why yes, that was a very good year.
I have also been spending more time with family and friends--people who are important for me. I have been teaching myself how to sow tirelessly and how to harvest gently in all the relationships I have. I am slowly (but surely) learning about who matters and what's important.
I have to stop hoarding. The root of this bad hoarding habit might involve a past life as someone who lived during the war or the depression era and I accept that scraps of happy triggers should be hoarded as well this lifetime. I hoard because I fear that I might fall in love with material things and fear the thought of not being able to be with them when they're all used up. I also see myself giving the hoarded items to other people who'd love them as well. I hoard because I am afraid of loss and afraid of my happiness ratio depleting. I know that I should combat this sickness with learning about loss acceptance instead--innovation and making do with what I already have. I have given away books and magazines I love recently to people around me and hope that they'd love 'em as much as I did. I've also given away art materials and craft supplies to like-minded friends. I would have wanted to photograph all the things I want to give away and send them to my lj-friends but alas, I don't have the money for postage. Unless you're willing to come to my home to get 'em, heh. I should train myself to hoard new life experiences and good vibes instead.
Last night, I finished Elizabeth Berg's wonderful book, "Talk Before Sleep". I knew it was going to be sad, since it was about a woman with a friend who has cancer, but I wasn't prepared for how beautiful it would be. I ended the book sniffling but happy. I realized that I was ready to face death. There are still some items that I have yet to tick off my bucket list, but what's strange is that it's actually quite alright if I don't achieve those things. A revisiting of my past entries in this lj has taught me that I have had more than enough blessings in this lifetime and I am happy. In Spiritism, we believe that we shouldn't mourn too much for the dead when they die. This makes them have an even harder time letting go of the ties that bind them to this mortal world. Instead of going to the light they are stuck here with the living who miss them too much. Being a crybaby I find it impossible to not cry during funerals but I get the logic behind it. It will be very hard to rejoice when someone you love dearly has left this world, but I would want my family and friends to at least try their best to have a great time at my funeral. I'd want them to send me off to my next lifetime with a big gay party filled with colorful balloons and lots of confetti and flowers. I am not afraid to die because I know that the next lifetime is going to be so much fun, too. All these wonderful people with me in this lifetime will also be there in unexpected bodies but with the same hearts and improved souls.
(Of course, the weird thought that my luck would all be used up this year pops into my mind every now and then. But I convince myself that the Universe is far too kind for that, and this world too full of grace.)